Dear gym dude....

I am not completely new to the game, I may be new to strength sports, but not new to the gym atmosphere.  Not at all.  It should also be noted that I have a very VERY low tolerance for what I deem as douche nozzle behavior.  Today in your neck of the woods, same as mine would be SATURDAY.  Now most gyms I have been to, Saturday morning has been a light time.  Most of your beer drinking bravado dudes are nursing their hangovers at the time I am in the gym, which is specifically why I choose to go at that time.  7:30 am and yes I am either heading to the gym, or walking into the front door.  I like my time with the iron.  I like my time on my own, just me and the bar. It is therapeutic for me, and not to mention to be perfectly honest, I am still a little self conscious about being in front of people.  But I just bury that down under an angry looking facade.

Now that we have effectively started this blog, here is the rub.  I walk into the shop, stop off at the front desk and exchange some witty banter with the bro behind the counter, and continue to the weight room.  And there he is, mister platinum blonde dude.  His hair neatly gelled, and he clad in the latest uber gear from where ever. Then he see's me, Chuck T's, old Penn State tee shirt, and beat up torn shorts.  Yeah I am that dude in the gym.  I think to myself that this guy just screams "tool shed" but fuck it, I gotta get my work in anyway.  Besides, he is ONE dude, no way he could possibly be in my way at all.

"Well fuck, apparently it's arm day for him too.  Ah well, can't be too bad, I mean it's just us."  I said that about three times in my head before I gave up.  As most of you can guess, it did go to hell shortly after my arrival, and it didn't even moderately improve through my whole session.  It was just all dickered up.  Now I would like to take this opportunity to write a little note to the gym dude, if you all would indulge me for a moment.

Dear Gym Dude,
I commend you for your pristine hair at 7:15 this morning, as it is a feat in itself to get all those spikes perfectly positioned, and proportionate to the other.  You resemble an emaciated Ivan Drago, a look not many can pull off.  Bravo dude.  I like your fancy shiny shorts, and your shoes with "springs" (no I literally mean SPRINGS) that you had to tell me about, twice.  I can absolutely tell that they make you run faster, lift longer, and make you lion tamer strong.  Fuckin a dude.  Lastly I am ever so envious of your technology that you pack with you to the gym.  Your Ipod thingy, and your cell phone, both of which apparently take pictures, and update status', seem to add to your allure, however they might work better off to the side of some of the equipment, rather than right in front of it, or on it, but hey it's your gym floor bud, I don't wanna mess up your anabolic flow.  As a side note, I would love to thank you for showing me the ropes today too, as I have never EVER seen you at this particular gym, your expertise was not only insightful, but God damned exciting too!  Thanks again random gym dude, and I would like to say heartily go fuck yourself.

Now please don't take this as a stab at everyone who works out, I am not trying to be that guy at all.  But if you are going to the gym, maybe you should go to put work in.  Not just hang out, or jaw jack, or talk down to others.  I have goals, aspirations, ambitions.  I am training, and putting my all into everything I can.  I apologize if this post offends you, or maybe if it does, you should leave your damn phone in your car, and go lift some damn weight!